The Mysterious Ticking Noise: Idiot Edition
by your-face-the-granola-bar
Summary: Jimmy can't figure out what that obnoxious as hell ticking noise is. Rated T because Christian is a traitor alter-ego.


**A/N: I just had to. I just did. I came up with this during school yesterday, and wrote it up on a whim. And yeah, I realize I'm missing somebody, but WHATEVES. Oh, and to properly appreciate Theo, he is like Sarah Palin in this Political Puppet Pals video on youtube: **/watch?v=TZkgY8DidoM  
**NOT RELATED TO THE STORY ITSELF: Oh my Jesus of Suburbia. Favorite Son replied to mah tweet. asdfghjkl; (okay, technically it was Jarran Muse, but, y'know) SPASM *melts in to puddle of 'I was acknowledged by someone in theatre'-ness***  
**Have fun with that. I guess. R&R, yeah yeah yeah. You know the drill.**

JIMMY: *sitting on couch* For once, no one is fucking in my apartment. Ahh-*poofs to puppet show theatre* The FUCK? What the hell just happened?

MYSTERIOUSNESS: _Tick tick tick tick tick tick…_

JIMMY: Theo, if you managed to somehow spread some of your creepy ability to show up anywhere to me, just know that you're dead.

*no response*

JIMMY: Okay, now it's fucking creepy.

MYSTERIOUSNESS: _Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick…_

JIMMY: AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT OBNOXIOUS AS HELL TICKING NOISE?

MYSTERIOUSNESS: _Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick…_

JIMMY: Oh my God, it's almost as catchy as 'You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison.' Or heroin. *looks strained* I will not sing, I will not sing, I will not-

MYSTERIOUSNESS: _Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick…_

JIMMY: *rageface*

*pause*

JIMMY: *sings* Jimmy, Jimmy, Saint Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Saint Jimmy.

CHRISTIAN: *cry-sings* Christian!

JIMMY: Jimmy, Jimmy, Saint Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Saint Jimmy.

CHRISTIAN: Christian!

THEO: *creeps up* Theo, Theo Stockman, Theo, Theo, Theo Theo Stockman.

ALL: *pause and stare at Theo*

THEO: Heh heh heh…

ALL: *shrug*

JIMMY: Jimmy, Jimmy, Saint Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Saint Jimmy.

CHRISTIAN: Christian!

THEO: Theo, Theo Stockman, Theo, Theo, Theo Theo Stockman.

JOHNNY: *out of fucking nowhere* Johnny Johnny, Johnny Johnny, ooh, Johnny Johnny, Johnny Johnny, yeah. Johnny Johnny, Johnny Johnny, ooh, Johnny Johnny, Johnny Johnny, yeah.

*all disappear besides Jimmy and Johnny*

JIMMY: Saint!

JOHNNY: Jesus!

JIMMY: Saint!

JOHNNY: Jesus!

JIMMY: Saint!

JOHNNY: Jesus!

JIMMY: Saint!

JOHNNY: Jesus!

JIMMY: Saint!

JOHNNY: Jesus!

JIMMY: Saint!

JOHNNY: Jesus!

JIMMY: SAINT!

JOHNNY: JESUS!

JIMMY: SAINT!

JOHNNY: JESUS!

CHRISTIAN: *pops up* CHRISTIAN!

*le stare*

THEO: *creeps from behind* Theo Stoocckkmaaaaannn….

ALL: *shudder*

*and they continue*

JIMMY: Jimmy, Jimmy, Saint Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy, Saint Jimmy.

CHRISTIAN: Christian!

THEO: Theo, Theo Stockman, Theo, Theo, Theo Theo Stockman.

JOHNNY: I'm Johnny-Jesus, I'm Johnny-Jesus, I'm Johnny-Jesus, I'm Johnny-Jesus.

ALL: SINGING OUR SONG, ALL DAY LONG IN THIS WEIRD-ASS CARDBOARD BOX IN A SLUM IN THE CIIIITTYYYYYYYYY!

CHRISTIAN: Hey, guys! I found the source of the ticking!

JOHNNY: Was it a pipe bomb?

CHRISTIAN: Erm…no. It's the meth lab in my bathroom.

JOHNNY: WHAT? A METH LAB?

JIMMY: You suck.

JOHNNY: DON'T YOU KNOW THEY *ALWAYS* BLOW UP?

JIMMY: Fuck that! If you want to be part of our clique of badass alter-egos, your drug of choice can NOT be meth. It must be heroin.

THEO: I'm not on heroin…heh heh heh.

JIMMY: There are many reasons you are not part of this whole thing, Theo. And while that may be a minor reason, it is one nonetheless.

JOHNNY: …What drug _are _you on, Theo.

THEO: CHARLIE SHEEN.

ALL: …

CHRISTIAN: Um, hey, guys, aren't we supposed to blow up now?

JIMMY: Why the fuck would we-

BOOM!

FAVORITE SON: *runs in* MWAHAHA! MORE LEGS FOR ME!

*pause as he notices audience*

FAVORITE SON: I mean, er. Favorite Son, Favorite Son, ooh, Favorite Favorite Favorite Favorite Son!

*curtain closes*

*back in the apartment*

JIMMY: *wakes up to everyone circled around him* FUCK!

JOHNNY: *in party hat with a rubber chicken in hand* It's okay, guys! Jimmy's alright!

ALL: *groan*

JIMMY: What just happened?

HEATHER: Let's say that Johnny, while sucking at most things, is very good at accidentally sticking heroin needles in your vital arteries.

JOHNNY: Um…heh heh.

JIMMY: Sometimes I wonder why I prefer you over Christian-WAIT A SECOND. CHRISTIAN. METH LAB. TRAITOR! *hops up and runs to bathroom*

*awkward silence*

JIMMY: *from bathroom* I KNOW IT'S HERE SOMEWHERE, CHRISTIAN, YOU NO GOOD METH FREAK!

CHRISTIAN: *sob*

TUNNY: So, should we just leave now?

WHATSERNAME: That sounds about right.

WILL: *kicks in door*

ALL: *exit apartment*

JIMMY: *runs back in, frothing a bit at mouth* That bastard, trying to make meth in my-*notices door* FUCKING HELL!

FIN


End file.
